"Goooood morning Lyndsey!"
The sun was peeking through the clouds. I was struggling to open my eyes. My hands felt glued to the bed. It was hard to move them.
"Gooood morning Lyndsey!"
I heard a female voice call to me again.
I blinked my eyes. It was difficult to open. It was hard to focus them. A pretty nurse with blonde hair walked over to me, and I stared at her.
"It's the middle of April, Lyndsey."
My mind raced. What did she mean? How was it the middle of April? The doctor told me I was being put under for only a week to let my body rest and heal, and now she's telling me it's two months later? How? How was this possible? My first thought turned to my son, Lucas. I had just ordered his birthday present before I entered the coma. I missed his birthday? I've never missed any of their birthdays before. How could this be? This was not okay. My next thought was, "Did I miss Janet's wedding?" You see, my best friend was getting married on April 15, 2023 and I was to be her maid of honour. We have been best friends since we were ten. So, you understand now - she is more like my sister than my friend. I could not miss her wedding!
Of course, I could not ask anybody this because I was hooked up to the ventilator through my tracheotomy. And if you don't know (which I didn't - you cannot talk when you have a trach!)
Well, it was not quite April 15th yet, only the 10th to be exact. But I didn't know that. She had only said it was the middle of April.
The next few days were a blur. I was in and out of it a lot. I was still heavily sedated and having wild dreams and hallucinations. At the time, most of what I thought were real. Now, of course, I can tell what was reality from fiction. But at the time, it was wild! More to come on that in another post 🫣
Image blurry on purpose to reflect the hallucinations I was having!
The next time I recall opening my eyes, my dad was standing beside my bed. He was wearing a mask. I was scared. I had a recurring dream in the coma that evil men were trying to abduct me by wearing a mask to look like my dad. I knew what these evil men were trying. They knew I trusted my dad whole heartedly. Pretending to look like him was there only chance to get me to go with them willingly.
Well, I said I had some wild dreams when I was under didn't I!?
But when I opened my eyes for the second time and saw my father standing there with a mask on, I was terrified. I thought they had come for me again. My dad later told me I looked frightened. I remember him pulling his mask down and saying, "Lyndsey, it's me, Dad."
Once I heard his voice I took rest and new I was safe.
The week to come went by quickly. Mostly because I was in and out of it because of the sedation and copious amounts of other medications and pain killers I was on. I was not very lucid. My father came everyday. I remember looking at the clock eagerly waiting for him. The nurses would tell me daily, "He'll be here at noon. He never misses a day." And he never did.
My parents visiting me in the hospital
Then April 15th actually came. I was a little more lucid by then. It was my husband's birthday. Somehow my nurse read my lips and was able to call him for me. She had to hold the phone up for me. I mouthed "Happy Birthday." He cried. He said I was the only one who remembered his birthday. After getting off the phone with him my dad came in. He let me know that Janet had not got married. Phew! I didn't miss it after all. She had rescheduled her ENTIRE wedding so I could be there. It was now July 22nd. I had a date for when I needed to be out of here!
But - there was problem. I could not move. I could not speak, and I could not move.
Why?
Well, after being in a coma for two months my muscles had completely atrophied. Never knew that would happen. I couldn't even lift my arm more than a couple inches from the bed, and THAT was exhausting and very painful.
Umph...
This was going to be a long recovery. I spent just over a week and a bit at the hospital "down the hill" after I awoke from the coma. After that they transported me back to the original hospital I began this journey at. I was overjoyed to return! I thought that meant I was close to going home. Turns out, I was not.
Now...where was God in all this? He was there. Was I lucid enough to recognize that when I first awoke? Not really. I alway knew the Lord was with me, but I could not feel that close intimate presence I once had. I just had to trust He was there. I just had to trust His hand was upon me. I just had to trust He would not leave me or forsake me. I just had to trust that His still small presence hovered over me as it always had.
Now this, is where I will preach to you my friends. Why? Because it's important to know. I had cultivated a relationship with Jesus for years before this tragedy happened. I had spent many hours sitting with Him in peace and prayer. I had learned His word and tried my best to apply it to my life. Was I the perfect Christian? Not at all. Did I strive to honour my Lord? I did. I tried my best. But my best will always fall short, and that it why we need a Saviour. So when things like this happen (and something will always happen in life) we can rest easy and trust in Jesus. We can trust that no matter what the professionals say, He will be there. He will sustain us. And that is what I had to trust in. That even when I couldn't feel His presence in this moment, His Holy Spirit was with me.
Psalm 42: 5
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God."
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