After God used my peanut butter sandwich to speak love to me, my health continued to diminish. My breathing rapidly worsened. Nothing they were doing was working. Finally, the doctor came and asked me if he had my permission to intubate me. I said no. Why did I say no? Well, I had let fear get a foothold. I remembered rumours that circled about in the Christian community during covid. These rumours spread rapidly online, through social media. What was the rumour? Well, it was that people with covid were dying because of the intubation. All I thought was, "I don't want to die like that." And so, I said, "no, you can't intubate me." My doctor was alarmed. He didn't know what to do. He left my room and went out and spoke with my friend, Ashley. He told her that I would not consent to letting them intubate me, and if I didn't I would surely die. Ashley was sure I just did not understand, and she told the doctor just that. She asked him to speak with me privately and explain to me the situtation and why it was so urgent to obtain my permission. This is where God used Ashley yet again. This time to relay the truth to me. She marched into my ICU room and promptly told me that if I did not allow them to intubate me I would surely die. She explained it all. That I needed to let my lungs and heart rest and heal. After her detailed explanation, I finally understood. The doctor came back in and told me it was looking like they would need to put me into an induced coma for about a week to let my lungs recover.
I consented.
I made it clear that I was only to be intubated as a last and final measure.
The fear was no longer there.
Jesus was with me.
You can see the colour starting to drain from my face
As the hours passed my breathing got even worse. I had a very difficult time swallowing. They realized it was because I could not swallow and breathe at the same time. Now, this is where my memory gets a little hazy. I do not recollect a whole lot after this point. My family told me they were called around 3am and told to come to the hospital as quickly as possible. They wanted them to say their goodbyes before I was put under. That never happened. My husband, my children, my parents...no one made it there in time. The doctors couldn't wait, they had to intubate immediately. I do not remember much leading up to this point; the last thing I recall was the doctor telling me they were going to put the tube in.
On the flip side:
My husband dropped my four year old off at his parents house and him and my four other children shuttled down to the hospital. My parents drove straight from the next town over. My sister was on the phone with me singing worship music right up until I was put under.
In my head:
A whole lot was happening! If you ever wonder what it is like to be in a coma, and what patients experience, then continue to read on because it is quite fascinating! Let's just say a whole lot happens. Your brain makes connections with your physical reality and somehow computes it to a dream reality where it makes sense while not making sense all at the same time! But...I will write a whole blog series about this to further elaborate 😉
The next step? Well, I needed to be transported "down the hill." This simply meant that I needed to be sent by ambulance to another hospital (down the hill 😏) so they could hook me up to the ECMO machine. The ECMO machine is a life support system that does the work for your lungs and heart so you don't have to. It pumps your blood out of your body, through this machine, oxygenates it, and pumps it back into your system. Probably not the best or most medically accurate definition, but that is how it was explained to me, so that it how I am explaining it to you! Essentially, I was on life support.
BUT.
Now they didn't think I would make it down the hill. They told my family that I probably would not survive the ten minute drive to get there. And guess what? I almost didn't. My family raced from one hospital to another. And I stopped breathing in the ambulance.
Job 33: 4
"The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life."
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